Chippings.

Benedict offers to walk ten miles Avith any young lady , acceptable to himself , in live hours , at a Avnger to be agreed upon by themselves . When is a cook like a Roman Catholic official ? When she is a fat

fryer . " Sir , I'd have you to knoAv that I keep one of the best tables in the city , sir , " exclaimed an indignant NOAV York landlady to a boarder , AVIIO had been finding fault Avith his fare . " That may be true

, ma ' am , " quietly retorted the boarder , "but you put very little upon it . " Artemus Ward says in " His Book , " "A female Avoman is one of the best institootions of Avhich the land can boast . It's onpossible to get along Avithout her . She

is good in sickness , good in Avellness , good all the time . 0 , woman , Avoman 1 You are an . angel , Avhen you behaA e yourself ; but Aidien you take off your proper appairal , and ( metiforically speaking ) get into pantaloons , and undertake to play the man , you play the devil , and are an emfatic noosance . "

" NAKED TRUTH . '—The late eccentric John Holmes used frequently , in his addresses to different j uries , to explain the meaning of the phrase " naked truth , " by relating the folloAving fable : Truth and Falsehood , travelling one warni clay , met at a riverancl both A \ -ent in

, to bathe at the same place . Falsehood , coming first out of the water , took his companion ' s clothes ancl left his OAVH vile raiment , ancl then Avent on his Avay . Truth , coining out of the water , sought in A ain for his OAvn proper dress—disdaining to

Avear the garb of Falsehood . Truth started , all naked , in pursuit of the thief ) but not being so swift of foot , has never overtaken the fugitive . Ever since he has been knoAvn as " naked Truth . "

A country editor , Avho has recently been married and returned from his bridal tour , got fifty new lady subscribers on the strength of a two column ancl a half leading editorial , describing his trip . A modern philosopher thinks it is a

mistake to suppose that women have stronger attachments than men . " A man , "he says , " is often attached to an old hat , but AVIIO ever heard of a Avoman being attached to an old bonnet ?" Machinery has reached a great state of

perfec tion . " We recently saAV some burned peas put into the hopper of a coffee-mill , ancl in less than two minutes they Avere occupying a place in a grocery AvindoAv labelled ' Fine Old Mocha . '"

" Off she goes 1 " said a lady . "You have mistaken tbe gender , '' said a gentleman ; "this is the mail train . " "Digby , will you take some of this butter ? " " Thank you , ma ' am , I belongto tbe Temperance society—can ' t take anything strong , " replied Digby . An armless Mihvaukee Avoman boxes her husband ' s ears Avith her feet .

HIGH LIA ' . —The highest inhabited spot in the world is the Buddhist cloister at Hanle , in Thibet , where 21 priests live at an altitude of 16 , 000 feet . " Is that your offspring , madam ? " asked a Missouri j ttclge of a Avoman who had hold

of a snub-nosed boy ' s hand . "No , " sir , she replied , " this is my oldest boy . " A race of sculptors—The Chip-aAvay Indians .

An aAvful swell—The cheek after the toothache . Bored , yet happy—A girl with her first pair of ear-rings . A young lady fearful of becoming stout , devotes two hours to every meal , because she had read so meAvhere that "haste makes waist . "

A p leasant error—An invalid Avas ordered by a physician to take three ounces of brandy a clay , ancl , knoAving that sixteen drams made an ounce , has patiently been taking forty-eig ht drinks a day ever since . A touching obituary of an eminent

citizen of a neig hbouring village concludes as follows : " With the exception of the fact that twenty years ago he took lessons on the fiddle , his life Avas blameless . " Milton , the blind author , Avas once asked ba friend of the female persuasion if he

y did not intend to instruct his daughter in the different languages . "No , sir , " replied Milton , " one tongue is enough for a worn nn . "

A little girl was told to spell ferment , and g ive the meaning with a sentence in which it Avas used . The folioAving Avas literally her answer : F-e-r-m-e-n-t , a verb , signifying to Avork ; I love to ferment in the garden .