Odds And Ends Of Wit And Humour.

pen my poor pulse quickens , my pale face g loAvs , and tears are trickling doAvn on my paper as I trace the word L . " Some years after he writes to a friend in very bad Latin . ( Nescio quid est materia cum me , seel sum fatigatus et

agrotus de mea uxore plus quam unquam ) , which means in plain English , i " don ' t know what is the matter ivith me ; but I am more tired and sick of my wife than ever . The wretched old humbug ! Writing to one of his lady friendsin 1767 he says

, , , " Talking of Avidows , pray , Eliza , if ever you are such do not think of giving yourself to some wealthy Nabob , because I design to marry you myself . My Avife cannot live long , and I know not the woman I should like so Avell for her

substitute as yourself . 'Tis true I am 95 in constitution , and you but 25 ; but Avhat I Avant in youth I will make up in Avit and humour . Not Swift so loved his Stella , Scarron his Maintenon , or Waller his Sacharissa . Tell me , in ansAver to this ,

that you approve and honour the proposal . " At the same time the old humbug Avas offering his precious heart to a certain Lady P ., asking Avhether it gave her pleasure to see him unhappy ? Whether it added to her triumph that

her eyes and lips had turned him into a fool ? quoting the Lord's Prayer with a horrible baseness of blasphemy , as a proof that he had desired not to be led into

temptation , and swearing himself the most tender and sincere fool in the world . And there Avas yet another lady , a Mrs . H ., to Avhom he Avas writing . " NOAV be a good , dear woman , my IT ., and execute those commissions Avell , and Avhen I see you I will give yon a kiss "—there ' s for you . "

I suppose the reason so many great writers , poets , and painters are unhappy as married men , may be traced to the fact that the romantic and political temperament builds up for itself an ideal , Avhieh , when put to the test of the experience of

hte , faila to realise the expectations of its creator . Many a young poet marries early in bfe . He conjures up a living embodiment and incarnation of all that is beautiful and talented , and credits his ladyelove Avith the possession of the rarest qualities of head and heart . He marries an angel , so he thinks , and she turns out

to be only a woman . The end of it is , he is dissatisfied . His wife fails to come up to his lofty standard of excellence ; she fails to realise his idea ] , and he visits upon her devoted head his oAvn egregious folly and self-deception , and the poor Avife suffers

from neglect . HOAV thankful we more matter-of-fact people may be that Ave are not poets and painters , and that Ave clo not build castles in the air , but are content to Avalk on the ground—not like the Spaniard Avhose pride Avas so high that when on one

occasion he fell ( physically , I mean , not intellectually )—this comes , said he , of AYalking on the earth ! One is reminded of Punch ' s advice to those about to marry—Don ' t ! speaking of these great genii ; and to- any young poet

or embryo painter , or orator in this assembly , or amongst the readers of the Masonic Magazine , I say remember the great examples of Socrates and Milton , ond others . Zantippe bullied Socrates ,

and i believe Milton s second wile bullied him . Of his ( Milton ' s ) grand-daughtei ( Avho died in 1754 , and k « pt a chandler ' s shop at ITolloAvay ) , it is said she knew little of her grandfather , and that little was not good . She told of his harshness to his daughtersand his refusal to have them

, taught to Avrite . Poor Charles Dickens Avas not happy in his married life ; and it is said of one modern poet at least , whose words are thought by many to be Avords of Avisdom , that he beats his loife . Ergo , don ' t marry

your ideal ; and don ' t expect your wife to be anything more than a woman . Angels did once marry Avith the sons ot men ( so Ave are told on the best of authority ) , but we are all flesh and blood nowa-daysand the ladies themselves — at

, least the strong-minded ones , the upholders of Avomen ' s rights , —Avho are going to be doctors , clergymen , and M . P . ' s , no doubt Avould scorn to be thought angels now .

It Avould be a curious matter of enquiry IIOAV much of the genius of our great wits was fostered and encouraged at home , and hoAv much owed its origin ( especiall y in the ease of satirists and sarcastic writers ) to an unhappy domestic circle . I am sure some of the articles in the Saturday Eevieio , and notably those relating to Ethics ( where the pen which