Under The Garland.

Jonsoh , under the shade of the hospitable " Garland , " and I shall not indul ge in conjectures as to what flights of wit , and genius , and poesy those ancient oaken wainscotings may have heard—for this reason—the " Garland" never did " a parlour business ; " it has been " a bar trade " from the very first day the involved herbaceous circle superseded the vegetable fascine that , when Chaucer was superintending the King ' s Works at Windsor , and afterwards , when " fat Jack " was carousing in Eastcheap ,

did duty for its sign . Yes—a bar business . Do you remember that at the very commencement of this disquisition I alluded pointedl y to its old mahogany bar ? NOAV modern " pubs "—Sir Wilfred Lawson— -I address you personally , honourable sir , because eA'erybody else is acquainted with the fact—dispense their " poison " over barriers of brightly polished zinc or peAvter . The traditional Avooden counter dates back toand beyondthe Hogarthian

, , period—the halcyon days when—so the attractive advertisement ran—you coidd " drink for a penny , get drunk for twopence , dead drunk for threepence , and have clean straw for nothing ! " Wreath ' s has never adopted the modern innoA'ation . It has never imitated the naA * al revolution , and substituted metal for timber . There , to this day , you drink wines drawn from the wood over the Avood .

Mr . Weller , you will remember , pointed out the elderly and eminently respectable looking Bank of England clerks , at Avork under the Rotunda , to his wondering son as " Redooced Counsels , Sammy , " and even that astute observer was seduced into the belief that these gentlemen Avere - barristers who in the struggle of legal life had failed in obtaining briefs . Well , the venerable tapsters or servitors " Under the Garland" have an unmistakable Bank of England clerk look about them . They all—there are but three ,

however—have white hair , are clean shaved , and Avear dress smts and Avhite neckclothsnot neckiies , mind you ; there is a wonderful difference between neckties and neckcloths No , I mean the kind of linen cincture Beau Brummel used to Avind his throat into , not the flimsy bit of white tape our swells tuck under their " all rounds " to-day . Well , this picture of the ancient gentlemen drawers recalls another peculiarity of " Under the Garland . " Its habitues knoAv its ways . Strange visitors are nonplussed .

There you must never ask for any specified or particular measure of what you require . I should as soon think in the reading room of the Athenaeum Club of asking a Bishop to " pass the Times when he had done with it , " or of informing a Cabinet minister that I would " take Punch after " him , as at Wreath ' s I should venture upon calling for a quartern of this or a " go " of that . I am certain that the unhappy individual Avho should thus far ignore the established amenities of the genius loci Avould find one of the whitehaired patres comcripti aforesttid gaspingly shoAving him to the door . Nosir ,

, if you Avish to be Avell received and hospitably entertained at Wreath ' s you must acquire the manners de rigueur of the establishment—you must attempt to master the vocabulary of the natives . If you simply say , " UnsAveetened , " " Pale , " " BroAvn , " " Scotch , " or " Irish ; " —no more , giving no further descri ption of the liquor , indicating no measure , desiring no specific quantity , the Avhitehaired ones Avill unbend—Avill incontinently draAV into crystal tumblers—never into vulgar measuz-es—ye gods , fancy pewter "Under the '

Garland !"—the proper portion of nectar—will passtoAvard you a brown Toby Philpot Greybeard containing the coldest , the purest , and brightest of filtered Avater , and mayhap , if your countenance and demeanour please , will call your attention to a tin of biscuits whereAvith you may refect—the drink being paid for—free gratis for nothing . How to sing the joys of Wreath ' s ! I don't knoiv hoAv to begin . I seem to be going on by the exhaustive process ! What you don't get . Well , you don't get plate-g lass

windows—au contraire—or—to translate for the benefit of such of my readers as enjoy the privilege of styling themselves members of Literary Institutes—quite other . The panes are the very smallest , the sashes , settings , and mullions the A'ery largest in proportion , you can conceive . They speak eloquently , most eloquently , of windoAVtax days , and again , negatively , seem to protest against Avindow-cleaning days . Dr . Johnson is said to have sneered at the exaggerated importance some people seem to attach to clean linen . Wreath ' s lights appear to froAvn at the degeneracy of modern days demonstrated by use of AA-ater and Avhiting , and by antagonism to cob \ A-ebs and