Odds And Ends Of Wit And Humour.

didn t think so , Avas the great rhetorician s quiet rejoinder . It is said of some Irish Avits that they Avould rather sacrifice a friend than lose a joke . The Rev . Dr . Sheridan , grandfather of the great Sheridan , it is said lost a bishopric through a text . He was ordered

to preach before the Viceregal Court on King George II . 's birthday , when he took for his text , " Sufficient for the day is the evil thereof , " The following is an example ot biting sarcasm told of Curran , the great Irish barrister . Who could ever haA'e

supposed ajudge capable of sneering at a barrister ' s poverty by telling him he suspected his laAv library was rather contracted . Yet this was the brutal remark to Curran by Judge Robinson , the author of many stupid , slavish , and scurrilous political pamphlets , and by his demerits raised to the eminence which he thus

disgraced . Curran replied , " It is very true , my lord , that I am poor , and the circumstance has certainly somewhat curtailed my library ; my books are not numerous , but they are select , and I hope they have been perused Avith proper dispositions . I have prepared myself for this high

profession rather by the study of a few good works than by the composition of a great many bad ones . I am not ashamed of my poverty , but I should be ashamed of my wealth could I have stooped to acquire it by servility and corruption . If I rise not

to rank , I shall at least be honest ; and should I now cease to be so , many an example shows me that an ill-gained elevation , by making me the more conspicuous , Avould only make me the more universally and the more notoriously contemptible . " One

day Curran said to Father O'Leary ( the story is also told of Father Matthew , the great Irish Temperance advocate ) , " Rev . Father , I wish that you were St . Peter . " " And , why , counsellor ? " " Because , Rev . Father , in that case you Avould have the

keys of heaven , and you could let me in . " "By my honour and conscience , counsellor , " replied the divine , " it would be better for you that I had the keys of the other place , for then I could let you out . " Brevity , you knowis the soul of Avit , and

, Curran's repartees Avere famous for this quality . A wealthy , but Aveak-headed barrister , once remarked to Curran that no one should be admitted to the bar Avho

had not an independent landed property . " May I ask , sir , " replied Curran , " how many acres make a wiseacre ?'' The following is a capital instance of good-humoured satire . I believe I introduced it into my lecture on " Public

Speaking , " already published in the MASONIC MAGAZINE , but I dare say a good many of its readers may not have heard it . Curran was addressing a jury on one of the State trials in 1803 , with his usual animation . The judgeAvhose political

, bias was supposed not to be favourable to the prisoner , shook his head in doubt or denial of one of the advocate ' s arguments , " I see , gentlemen , " said Curran , " I see the motion of his lordship ' s head ; common observers Avould imagine that implied a

difference of opinion , but they would be mistaken : it is merel y accidental . Believe me , gentlemen , if you remain here many days you will yourselves perceive that when his lordship slmkes his head there ' s nothing in it . " Curran was walking one day

with a friend AVIIO , hearing a person say curosity for curiosity , exclaimed , " How that man murders the English language ' . " " Not so bad as that , " replied Curran , " he has only knocked an / out . " A Limerick bankerremarkable for his sagacityhad an

, , iron leg , " which , " said Curran , " is the softest part about him . " I suppose one might call that irony ; and , after all , irony and satire are often a distinction Avithout a difference .

The following , whicli I have read somewhere , you will say is a distinction with a difference ; it is a propos , at all events , as a specimen of Irish humour , of Avhich Ave are now treating . An Irishman asked a friend , " Will ye dine with me to-morrow ?" " Faithancl I willAvith all heart "

, , my , Avas the reply . ' - ' Remember , ' tis onl y the family dinner I ' m afther askin' ye to . " " And Avhat for not ? A family dinner is a mighty plisant thing . What have ye got ? " " Och ! nothing by common . Jest an illegant piece of corned beef and

pitaties . " " By the powers , that bates the wiirrlcl ! Jist my OAvn dinner to a hairbarring Hie beef . " The great Dean Swift said some very good things , and Avrote better . His wit Avas epigrammatic and incisive ; but some of his poems , clever though they are , abound , I am sorry to say , with such