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Article SHIRTS AND COLLARS. ← Page 3 of 4 →
Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software.
Shirts And Collars.
" Give her thirteen ¦ collars ! " ( I would add , that the old hen is still setting without avail ) . All this time my wife was bathin g my head and calling me kind and endearing names . Such as :
" Oh , you old simpleton ! I hope you are satisfied noAV ! " etc . ( I was more than satisfied . ) After listening to all this , I started up stairs to get another collar , when to my utter horror , some thirty or forty collars
seemed to be dancing and Avriggling about , putting themselves into all manner of shapes , evidently rejoicing over my
annoyance . Talk about your " Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to animals "—if I had just at that moment been the happy possessor of " Jerry McSweeny ' s Centennial bull dog , " I Avould have set him on the collarsbureau and allso exasperated
, , was I . After the collars got quieted down , I picked up one and said , " Perhaps you would like to go doAvn town to-day . " It making no particular objection , I dipped the band in water , so that my neck mi ght
not be worn through before night , and then I started down the Street , feeling in about as good a humour as a man can after enduring so much torture , when happening to think I had my cane instead of my umbrella , and it was then , raining bard , I turned back hurriedly , when I
beheldbut no , I won ' t tell you , look for yourself . Talk about corruption in high places ; woman at the bottom of it ; here was the " old fellow" himself ancl all his bookkeepers , tormenting me beyond all human —yeseven spiritual endurance .
, I returned home utterly demoralized , when my Avife came to my rescue once more . Said she , " Come hear , dear , I bet I Avill fix that collar so it will stay on , I will sew it fast . " I answered by running my hand down
my back , and pulling collar , shirt , and all off , and then said , " Take it , do Avhat you please with it , " and I fell back on the bed exhausted . Presently , I fell asleep , when I dreamed of a new country . There I saw about one hundred
millions of collars , trying to fit themselves on to one man , each , offering money for the privilege of being tried on first . I thought 1 saw a man , and he was lame , who had a very thin neck , and who Avas being tormented Avith a very large collar , which
looked to be about eig ht hundred feet Avide . I drew his picture on the spot just as he emerged from one of those
establishments , which if taken at flood tide , leads on to destruction . I looked again , and lo ! the sign Avas changed , and in its stead I , saAv this figure , and below were the words ,
Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software.
Shirts And Collars.
" Give her thirteen ¦ collars ! " ( I would add , that the old hen is still setting without avail ) . All this time my wife was bathin g my head and calling me kind and endearing names . Such as :
" Oh , you old simpleton ! I hope you are satisfied noAV ! " etc . ( I was more than satisfied . ) After listening to all this , I started up stairs to get another collar , when to my utter horror , some thirty or forty collars
seemed to be dancing and Avriggling about , putting themselves into all manner of shapes , evidently rejoicing over my
annoyance . Talk about your " Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to animals "—if I had just at that moment been the happy possessor of " Jerry McSweeny ' s Centennial bull dog , " I Avould have set him on the collarsbureau and allso exasperated
, , was I . After the collars got quieted down , I picked up one and said , " Perhaps you would like to go doAvn town to-day . " It making no particular objection , I dipped the band in water , so that my neck mi ght
not be worn through before night , and then I started down the Street , feeling in about as good a humour as a man can after enduring so much torture , when happening to think I had my cane instead of my umbrella , and it was then , raining bard , I turned back hurriedly , when I
beheldbut no , I won ' t tell you , look for yourself . Talk about corruption in high places ; woman at the bottom of it ; here was the " old fellow" himself ancl all his bookkeepers , tormenting me beyond all human —yeseven spiritual endurance .
, I returned home utterly demoralized , when my Avife came to my rescue once more . Said she , " Come hear , dear , I bet I Avill fix that collar so it will stay on , I will sew it fast . " I answered by running my hand down
my back , and pulling collar , shirt , and all off , and then said , " Take it , do Avhat you please with it , " and I fell back on the bed exhausted . Presently , I fell asleep , when I dreamed of a new country . There I saw about one hundred
millions of collars , trying to fit themselves on to one man , each , offering money for the privilege of being tried on first . I thought 1 saw a man , and he was lame , who had a very thin neck , and who Avas being tormented Avith a very large collar , which
looked to be about eig ht hundred feet Avide . I drew his picture on the spot just as he emerged from one of those
establishments , which if taken at flood tide , leads on to destruction . I looked again , and lo ! the sign Avas changed , and in its stead I , saAv this figure , and below were the words ,