Beatrice.

BEATRICE .

BT THE AUTHOR OF THE " OLD , OLD STORY , " " ADVENTURES OF DON l'ASQUALE , " ETC . CHAPTEB XI . TWAMLEY beingas the old Latin Grammar used to teach me—ancl you

, , kind reader , at least many of us ( years ago , in a good old schoolroom which I can see now , listen to the voice and feel the cane of the worth y pedagogue ) , " ingenui vultus puer , ingenuique pudoris , " we awaited his confidences on what Brummer called " de most ticklish of affairs " with intense interest and impatience . Ancl so , when at last we were all assembled on that eventful evening , when the smoke was heavy and silence profound ,

Twamley , modestly giving a preparatory cough , thus addressed us : — " You want to have my opinion of matrimony ; well , you shall have it . Marriage always appears to me like a close of physic , which the doctor says you ' must take , ' assuring you with grave face that ' it will do you a world of good . ' It may be like the grey powder of infantine hours cunningly disguised with sugary particles ; it mry resemble the good blue pill ancl black draught of normal British indigestion ; it may be very close akin to the more unpalatable dose of castor oil ingeniously given in coffee , or brandy , or whisky ,

or milk ; or it may resemble the li ghter ancl convenient influence of Hnnjadi Janos , or the somewhat sharper taste of Carlsbad salts . Whatever else it may be , it still is only , in my opinion , a dose of medicine , which may do you good , or may not do you good , accordingly as your medical attendant realizes the true ' diagnosis' of your complaint , ancl treats you properly , or makes a ' little beefsteak , ' as the Frenchman says , ' ancl dat is all . ' It may do you good , great good ; it . probabldoes so in nine cases out of tenI do not deny but

y , ; it may do you harm , ancl in the tenth case you assuredly ' come to grief . ' So , though I am professionally interested in the ' British patient , ' ancl like that amiable individual much , respecting weaknesses which are many ancl sacred to me , I yet think that it is a good thing to get on without medicine as much as you can—to make it quite the exception to the rule ; and matrimony being an ' abnormal state of things' it is not to he hastily encouraged or lihtl

, gy praised . At the same time , as I said before , there is no rule without an exception in this world , and , as the schoolmen used to say , ' the exception proves the rule : 'if some clay , like Benedict , I confess that I ' write myself down an ass , ' don't blame or deride , but pity ancl judge leniently your ancient friend . "

" In my humble opinion , Twamley , I replied , " your extreme incoherence and your simple misquotation of the ' Bard of Avon , ' Bro . Shakespeare , as the Freemasons call him , proves to me that you are in a very desperate state , and I , for one , regret from the bottom of my heart your theories ancl your illustrations , your platitudes and your preconceptions . " "Ah , my friend , " broke in Brummer , " you do not know vat you are talking about . In my experience , which is greater than yours , I have seen

very many hapi ^ y married people , though I admit , because it is equally true , that marriage , like a railway journey , has its perils . Philosophically speaking , as Fichte would say , it is not so easily defensible , because it is an union which is practically . indissoluble , except under very peculiar circumstances , between two people , who hardly know often if they really care for each other . But then , on the other hand , what has marriage not done for the world and societ y ? We all of us who read the old classic writers know well what a sad picture they give us of the normal state of man , what a mournful representation they